I was Baptised Catholic when 18 days old, attended 8 years of Parochial school, taught by the Dominican Nuns. I got A's in Religion class. I was obedient to all the Commandments of the church while still too young to comprehend many of the 10 commandments. It was all the same to me - just a lot of do's and don'ts. I was compliant, not rebellious - respectful to my parents, mostly out of fear. I tried to obey God, again totally out of fear.
Yet, looking back I wasn't really a Christian believer. I was Christian only by virtue of my Baptism. None of it seemed to 'take'. Though I counted myself as Christian, I could see that I wasn't any different than other children, except that I went to the Church that was the only True church (whatever that meant). I had a lot of Protestant friends (who I was told were 'wrong'). Yet I could see that some of them were much better people than I was.
And so it went, clear through my High School years. I really liked the boys, but I wasn't 'loose' with them (tho' I wanted to be!) Again it was Fear that caused me to live by good moral standards: Fear of losing my 'good' reputation, fear of pregnancy (an absolute shame in those days-my parents would have sent me to outer space somewhere), and lastly Fear of God. Any aspirations to Sainthood had long disappeared.
When I married at age 19, I went to the Altar a Virgin; not because I was pure of heart or mind, but because my Catholic husband-to-be was (and because any means of birth control was not available to me).
So I have just described the absolutely Carnal Christian - me.
